Unhappy in Retirement? Fix it!

Four years ago, I sold my house and moved many states away to Colorado-where I knew no one but my siblings. This was not  an easy decision, and one that I had to take under consideration for many months. As of August, I have lived in my current home for four years. And no matter the ups and down, the long term results have shown me that decision was a right one to make

Why am I sharing this decision again?  Because I have learned that if we are unhappy, if we are feeling stagnated, if we are lonely, if we feel that something is missing, and in some cases if we feel the financial belt getting tight,  we are the only ones who can change that. Most changes will not require selling houses or moving. But the bottom line is that if we want a different retirement, it is (mainly) up to us. We may even need to do that more than once in our retirement, as our needs and wants and lifestyle change. I say that as a woman who is about to make some other changes in her retirement.

I lived in a beautiful almost 3 thousand square foot home in the Dallas area. It was a beautiful house, but it was entrapping-for a variety of reasons. I probably should have never purchased a  home, instead of a condo, but it was kind of late. While I could afford said home, as a single gal, I was "house poor". And I don't mean just in the financial sense. I was cleaning a large house, doing yard work and maintenance and in general finding out that I had absolutely no interest for, nor the energy for traditional home responsibilities. I also discovered that while I loved my husband's family, I felt the need to be near my own. And while one kid was interested in moving with me, another was settled in her life-and I would see her much less.

Four years later, I now share a home. A beautiful home that I rent. While I do the traditional cleaning and inside housework, never do I do landscaping, nor home improvements, nor home repair. I live near two of my three siblings (our parents are no longer living). I found a church that may even be a better match than my church in Dallas. I have grown to love the greater Denver area, and in fact, while I traveled as much as I could in Dallas, have spent much of my Denver time exploring the local and taking short trips. I have found a quilt group, a knitting group, book groups and more. Put simply, while this change was difficult, especially for someone who does not easily put herself out there, it was the right decision for me.

However, we are also allowed to change our minds and adjust in retirement and so it is with me. This time, my changes are not so great. After years of basically no travel, I have found it calling to me. I want to spend more than two weeks three times a year with my daughter. I've found what I think is my "mission" in supporting refugees and advocating for their increased numbers. Welcoming the stranger if you will.

I share this with you all because I know there are readers who wish there was more social life, feel like they should be moving in a different direction or just know that something is missing. To those readers I say again, you (and I) are the only person who can change those things. I would also say that there is no limit (within reason) as to how often we can change, re-invent or adjust our lives.  While I would never recommend doing what I did  more than once in a retirement, there are many other ways to do that. Sometimes our interests change, sometimes our energies change. Sometimes, we just need a little kick in the you know what to energize our lifestyle. Whatever it is, we are the only person who can give that to ourselves (or ourselves and our partners, depending).

In my case, I've decided that this spring, I'll take a one month train trip that ends in Texas where I will spend some quality time with my daughter. Along the way, I'll be exploring areas that may work for a one or two month semi-snowbird type break in future years (it hurts my heart, but my beloved Corpus Christi and Rockport may not serve that need for some time). I'll also be visiting some fellow bloggers, hopefully. While increased volunteering would seem to contradict this new travel choice, my direction now is active and vocal advocacy for refugees (and it's a topic you can expect to hear about in the blog on occasion.) My active, "service" type volunteering will be rare, and depend on my schedule, and the same for senior college type activity.  And finally, I'm  looking for a social group that "thinks like me". Because while I love love love my book group, knitting group and sewing groups, I am in the minority, viewpoint wise-and I need at least one social outlet where I can say exactly what I think, you know? 

Making these changes will both require some serious facilitation and adjustment on some lifestyle fronts, as well as stepping further out of my box on the social front. Some of these changes and preparation I'll share, some not so much. We'll see. I can tell you that some journaling, making a little extra room for passive and semi passive earnings, and ruthless decluttering will all be a part of the process. 

Either way, this retirement will be a little bit the same, and a little bit not the same, going forward. And that works for me!

Fair warning to all. The history geek has been asked multiple times her opinion on the "State's Rights" perspective of the Civil War, along with thoughts on memorials and "changing history". While I had put this aside, after our Vice President's comments last week, my inner "teacher" has come out in full force. You may or may not be surprised to hear what I think on Monday.